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The Legend of Cobra Starship... After a week on the brink of death, hallucinating from the venomous bite, he awakes to find the snake with a wet towel in its fangs, patting down Gabe's sweltering forehead. "Holy shit," Gabe exclaims, "this snake that almost killed me is patting down my forehead with a moist towelette!" "Good morning to you too," says the reptile. "Holy shit! A talking snake!" "I am a cobra," corrects the snake, "and the lights that have hounded you night after night are from the starship that brought me here. You see, I have been sent from the future to find you." "Me?" Gabe asks, flattered and excited at the possibility of validating his existence. "Am I supposed to save the world!?" "Uh, no," replies the cobra. "Not exactly. You see, kid, there is no salvation." The cobra goes on to tell Gabe about the world's final days. Cobras were the only ones who survived. Shocked by this tale of Armageddon, Gabe finally asks in bewilderment, "Then what do you need me from me? What is my destiny?" "The purpose of your life is to make sure mankind goes out in style." "How do I do that?" "By teaching hipsters to not take themselves so seriously and by telling emo kids to stop being pussies. How's that for a start?"